In the beginning, there was a nameless gray Pegasus pony with silly eyes.
The fans lovingly named this pony “Derpy.”
Months later, the creators of My Little Pony officially named this pony “Ditzy Doo,” and there was much sorrow throughout the fanbase.
Then, on Saturday, the prodigal daughter came home.
In the beginning, there was Family Guy.
Family Guy was a raucous show, full of pop-culture references and humor barely fit for TV. It was novel for its time, and quite edgy in its presentation, but the edge soon wore off (as it usually does in such shows) and its creators had to push the envelope further and further in order to keep the show topical. It was during this time that a hero emerged, and decided to break from the show to form a more family-friendly show that maintained some of the same humor styles as his original project.
His name was Dan Provenmire, and he with a host of cohorts called this new show “Phineas and Ferb.”
Fast forward to the past year. My children, as we surfed through Netflix, spy the unique character designs of Phineas and Ferb, and decide that this is a show they want to watch. The show had already been recommended to me and I’d watched an episode or two of my own accord, and being that I hadn’t seen anything objectionable in the show, I allowed them to watch.
3 seasons later, we eagerly await the arrival of each new episode on Netflix, dreading the day that the powers-that-be decide that the license has expired and pull the show. Imagine, if you will, a show with the humor style and musical numbers of Family Guy, but all-age appropriate. It is a show with a veritable bargeload of pop-culture references and sci-fi / fantasy / spy movie in-jokes, a soundtrack that would make the best Broadway shows green with envy…
…and the best Christmas specials EVER.
If you have kids. If you don’t yet have kids. If you never plan on having kids but love life and all things funny.
Phineas and Ferb is made for YOU.
Plus, in what other show could you hear the line “Why would marathoners be following anyone?… except, you know, 3 guys from Kenya.”
So, I had this post all set up about an issue, and I’m still going to touch on it later, but as usual the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry and all that.
The post was originally going to be about how people who feel that they are stuck in a rut, or have no hope, shut themselves down to any positive influences and react in a violently negative fashion whenever anybody attempts to bring a little light of any kind into that dark area of their life. But then, one of the people I was going to write about came to me with an issue that changed the game… and, to a certain extent, my attitude. So, first, a little backstory.
Without getting too into detail, this individual had a sudden and nonsensical break from a relationship that was to be a forever thing. The manner in which this went down could fill a volume just by itself, so I won’t expound on it much here… except to say that it involved a heavy amount of deceit and introduced an incredible amount of trust issues into the relationship, to the point that the relationship could no longer be maintained. Needless to say, my friend was affected in a bad way by this, but it seemed as though coping mechanisms were in place and the wound was healing. A new job presented itself to my friend, with all those new opportunities and new contacts to network with, and all seemed to be on the upswing ostensibly.
And then, around Christmas, our friendship started to change suddenly. Any comments I made that had any sort of a positive bent to them were met with anger or, at best, mockery. The new job became a subject of misery, and I was told in no uncertain terms that my constant attempts at putting a positive spin on the situation were doing nothing but making things worse. My friend seemed to be getting in a bigger funk all of a sudden, instead of continuing to heal. And then, just after new year, the bomb dropped. An offhanded “how’s it going?” and my response of “going pretty good, looking forward to my first day back to work” caused such an explosion of anger that I was told not to bother contacting my friend anymore until I could get rid of my “fake cheerfulness and fake religion.” Needless to say, it hurt me a lot; partly because I felt I had done something to piss my friend off irrevocably, and partly because I felt that I shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells minding every single word I say around my friends, and if I have to literally lie to my friends in order to accommodate their emotional state, then is it really worth having those friends? But, I respected my friend’s wishes and ceased all contact at that point.
And then, a couple days ago, I get a message from said friend apologizing for the angry outbursts lately, and then I get the confession: Since the breakup, my friend had been spiraling further and further into drug use (specifically oxycontin and later heroin), and it had been affecting both job performance and longstanding friendships because it was making my friend’s emotional state even more unstable than it had been. Finally, at the beginning of this week, my friend blew up at the bossman after the boss voiced concerns about job performance, to the point of a physical altercation. My friend lost their job after the subsequent drug test uncovered recent heroin use, but was graciously offered a position back if a full rehabilitation program was undergone to curb the drug use. My friend accepted, and had basically messaged me to say “goodbye for now” and apologize for the earlier transgressions, confessing that they had been born of a drug-altered mindstate. I was simultaneously happy, sad and concerned; I had an explanation, but I was sad that this had gone on out of sight of everyone for so long (my position on drug use is pretty well-known to my friends, so my friend probably feared judgement or derision from me and others if we were to find out), and concerned for my friend’s well being (heroin is a terribly destructive drug, and I’m not certain exactly how long it was being used in this instance so I’m not sure how much damage was actually done).
And yet, despite the comparatively positive resolution of this issue, I still see such a high degree of negative response to positive messages. I have had two acquaintances break ties with me over this recently; one because of a shared bible verse (atheists and inspirational bible messages, even those that don’t specifically mention God or even faith of any sort, apparently don’t mix…) and one because of a “one positive action per day” that I shared via Facebook through the Christmas season (she mentioned that it was “creepy,” even as others were finding inspiration in the messages). Both of these people were those whose company I enjoyed immensely back in high school, and both of these people had shown a tendency to focus on the negative elements of their life and complain almost constantly about their lives and the things going on around them.
And then today, I see this anti-speeding advert linked on a friend’s page. As usual with YouTube videos that issue a positive message, there are several comments along the lines of “this is f*****g stupid, stop preaching.” All of this just kinda brings to mind that epidemic of resistance to positivity when one is feeling in a bad way. I know it all too well; hell, I’ve been there recently. I used to think that self help books and articles were absolute tripe until I finally swallowed my pride enough to read one. Even having been there, though, I still can’t really understand the mentality. That kind of positivity really can change your outlook on things. You just have to be receptive to it. It worked wonders for my overall mood toward the world in general.
I’ve made no secret about the fact that I’m a huge fan of Tolkien’s work. I’ve also made no bones about my belief that the Lord of the Rings film trilogy are some of the most beautiful works of cinema in almost a century.
I had been following the history of The Hobbit films with more than a little trepidation; when the studio started to experience its problems and Del Toro signed off as director, I thought for sure that the history of these films would soon see its end in the same sort of production hell that swallowed the WETA live-action Neon Genesis: Evangelion movie.
When I heard that Peter Jackson had taken over directoral duties, I heaved a heavy sigh of relief. After all, this was the man responsible for directing the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and he held in his heart a strong reverence for the source material and a dedication to “do right” by the original stories. My trepidation waned.
And now, there’s an official trailer for the first of the two Hobbit movies. My trepidation has turned to impatient anxiety, because now I have to wait a year to watch the first in what looks to be a series as spectacularly presented as the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
But, don’t just take my word for it. Listen to Thorim sing “Far o’er the Misty Mountains cold, to dungeons deep and caverns old…” and get chills down your spine like I did.
So this weekend, I heard a lesson that simply blew me away because I’d never heard it presented quite this way before. The header for the week was “Chill. He picked up the tab,” and, in the midst of the talk, I picked up one very simple and basic truth that reminded me of a dream I once had. In this dream, I was talking with a friend of mine who had experienced some childhood trauma. My friend asked me whether I would have prevented these things from happening if I had the power to do so, and without hesitation I said “no.” My friend was, of course, angry at me, and asked why I would want them to suffer; my response was “those experiences made you the strong person that I respect so much today, and without those bad things happening in your life you would probably be a completely different person. Yes, this has made some facets of your personality that can sometimes be confusing to me, but it’s all a part of who you are and I wouldn’t want you to be anybody else.”
The lesson that brought this to mind centered around the fact that God does not love us *in spite* of our faults, but *because* of them; the exact term used was “our God is a God of the broken.” God doesn’t want us to completely cut out those bad parts of ourselves and replace them with something else, but instead He wants us to change those negative aspects of ourselves and use them toward making something positive happen, which is something I’ve been trying to do for myself over the past 3 years (with mixed results, admittedly… but darnit, I’m getting there!) It is in the most broken aspects of ourselves where we are most likely to recognize Him working in our time of need.
The idea that the truest form of love is acceptance of somebody including all of their perceived faults is something that I have always found very powerful. I think this is one of many reasons I’ve become a huge fan of the show Two Broke Girls. The main characters couldn’t be more polar opposites in almost every way, and most of the conflicts between them in the show seem to center around them being frustrated with each others’ faults… and yet, usually, by the end of the episode, they’ve discovered that those “faults” are the reason they find themselves endeared to each other. This, in my mind, is the core of every good friendship and, indeed, every good relationship in general.
At work, we have a simple (if technically incomplete) phrase that sums up how we are to approach every interaction we have with our customers: ”Be The Reason.” It’s intentionally vague, of course; we as employees are meant to extrapolate it of our own accord whenever we get on the phone. We want to “be the reason” our customers love us. We want to “be the reason” they rate our company 10 out of 10 on that survey. We want to “be the reason” our work environment is so great. We want to “be the reason” we get promoted. It’s a really great phrase because it can be made to mean a lot of very positive things… but why not take this concept a step further and apply it to life outside the walls of the call center? Furthermore, why not encourage (or acknowledge) those that are our “reason?”
Today, I challenge you, the reader, with the following: Look at your life and find ways to “be the reason.” ”Be the reason” your spouse or significant other feels loved today. ”Be the reason” your friends feel appreciated. ”Be the reason” a stranger at the grocery store has a great story to tell to their friends and family tonight. Also, think about those that are your “reason.” Maybe you’re like me, and your kids are “the reason” you changed some of your habits and attitudes. Maybe that stranger at the grocery store who told you your hair looked gorgeous today is “the reason” you feel like it was worth the time you put into it. Maybe a compliment from your boss is “the reason” you feel like you want to accomplish more at work today. Focus on those people for whom you want to be a positive “reason” for, and on those who were a positive “reason” for you. And, for the love of all that’s holy, push those negative “reasons” out of your head, dust yourself off from them, and keep on “being the reason” for yourself and for others.
The last few weeks at church have revolved around decreasing the stresses one feels during the Christmas season by trusting that there is a greater power in place watching out for our greater good, and that there is not a problem in the universe that He can’t fix (although His fixes require us to listen, and we may not understand the nature of what He is doing at first!) There has also been some focus on ways to listen to the needs of others this season, and the notion that “home” may not necessarily be a place, but more about the things that are most important to us and make us feel joyous. For some, that’s family. For others, that’s their friends.
For some, it’s an old city bar that’s never too far from the places that gather the dreams that have been…
This song, which I’ve heard (and loved) for years, puts a great big period on the lessons that have been talked about over the past month, and this year more than others for some reason it hits me just a little bit harder than it has in past years.
Stop.
Breathe.
Focus.
Accept.
Life is a completely insane rollercoaster, and you are not in control.
This is as it should be.
I still find myself struggling with this concept sometimes. For so many years, I attempted to exercise control over even small elements of my life, because I had failed so spectacularly at controlling major elements that I figured I could at least keep a firm grasp on those smaller things. Work events, finances, kid things, my house and what seemed like a million other things… I just couldn’t keep *anything* under control, and it began to wear on me. Stress and worry pervaded my everyday life in an exponential manner and, despite the constant advice from friends and family that I needed to stop worrying about these things I could not control, I continued to let these things dominate my life. Then, a constantly mounting heap of out-of-control just gave way one day. One more thing got tossed on top of my ever-growing pile at work, and in my mind’s eye I could see the pile threatening to give way to avalanche. Somewhere in the back of my head, I told myself “no more.” I had two choices: Let the avalanche sweep me away, or to grab the items as they cascaded by and try to make some sense of everything. I chose option number three: I walked away from the pile and started to take control of the only thing in this world (or out of it) that I had any real control over: Myself. My actions and reactions. My emotions. Me.
The end result of this was that, because I detached my emotions and my stress and anxiety from the situation, I was actually able to get a lot more accomplished than I did when I was spending time and energy running over all those worst-case scenarios of “what could happen if I don’t get all of these things done?” I didn’t realize exactly what I was doing at the time, but I now recognize it as my biggest step in over a decade toward accepting that I had no control, and building faith in the only thing that did have control.
There were still elements of that job that were holding me back, though. I had been in the same position there for a very long time, had made no moves toward an upward-mobile path, and was unlikely to do so. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had grown complacent. Even with this new found acceptance, I had decided that whatever happened there was out of my control and not worth worrying about. In that context and with that perspective, perhaps it’s easy to see why, when I lost my job, a big part of me said “this is for the best.” I looked at it as a challenge and an opportunity. It was still a bit difficult to deal with the personal (and financial!) side of losing my job, and that’s when I turned to “outside help,” which has turned out to be the best thing I have ever done.
But some people on the outside looking into my world saw only that I had lost my job, and what a terrible thing this was. They not only didn’t understand how I could be taking this so well overall, and not stressing out, but they also didn’t understand why I continued to assert that this was an opportunity and not a detriment. A big part of this was that they lacked my perspective. They hadn’t seen the situation exactly the way I had seen it. Their perspective was that something had happened in my heart and in my mind that clouded me to the reality of the situation: I was now part of the Michigan jobless statistic and no matter my personal merit, this is where I would be stuck for six months or more because that’s just the way things are here, statistically speaking. But then I would say things like “this situation is not OK, but that doesn’t mean that I have to be not OK,” and they would be left scratching their heads wondering where my mind had gone.
Perspective is everything. When you change your perspective and your attitude, negative things can be seen as having positive outcomes. When you accept that you do not have control and detach your stress and worry from the situation at hand, sometimes you can start to see the inkling of the greater plan that’s in front of you. Of course, none of us are God. We will never, even looking back in retrospect, be able to see so much as the complete plan for us as an individual, let alone the greater plan for another person and especially not for the world in its entirety. For some strange reason, this reminds me of a rather famous quote from, of all things, a horror novel: ”The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all of its contents.” I think that we as people would be completely unable to handle seeing the plan for even just ourselves laid out in its entirety, and what events in our life have driven us down that path. I think we would be even more appalled if we were to recognize the negative things in our life that came as a result of ignoring that plan where, instead of changing our attitudes, we plunged on with the same blindness and suffered even more severe consequences because we were ignoring that greater calling.
So, now, when I am under stress (and especially when I am *in distress*), I try to stop. Breathe. Focus. Accept that I am not in control of this roller coaster, and that all I have control over is myself. The situation is not OK. In fact, the situation is awful. But I am OK because I choose to take control of the one thing in the universe that I have any control over, and because I have somebody on my side who controls everything else. It’s at those times when the path to defeating my own negative reactions starts to light up and, while I’ll never be able to correlate all of the elements to see the path in its entirety, the way to deal with the immediate situation becomes clear. Instead of wasting energy worrying about the outcome of things I can’t control, I can redirect that energy toward accepting the challenges placed before me and finding the positive in every negative.
I’ve been talking a lot recently, and not posting light-hearted things!
ENOUGH CHIT-CHAT! TIME IS CANDY!
It is no shame to be simple, because the simplest ideas can bring joy to the darkest hearts.
I hear a question asked a lot: ”If God is omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent, existing in all places at all times, why won’t He answer the prayers of people who are broken and suffering? Why does He allow bad things to happen to good people?
I’m no theologian. Matter of fact I’m fairly new in the re-awakening of faith. But over the last few months there are two things I’ve learned for sure:
God helps those most who help themselves.
Suffering is relative, and typically even the worst detriments will temper your will and personality through fire. These are those terrible moments where your heart drops so far you don’t know if you can ever recover, but when you look back on them you remember them as the moments that define you.
Pray for those who are hurt, and broken. Support them in any way that you can, even if that’s just to be there and lend an ear or give a friendly smile and a few words of comfort. I have friends who broke their backs to be there for me in times of need and prayed for me, and speaking from my own experience I can tell you that I appreciate those friends more than all the riches in all the world.
Why? Because I saw God in even the simplest of their compassionate acts.
